the person we will never be

sometimes i wish that i could better express myself with words. words those artsy fartsy people would be able to conjure in a blink of an eye, a snap of their fingers, so naturally. sometimes i wish that i could control my emotions, stop being the jealous prick that i constantly am. because for one, i trust him more than anyone else. it isn’t fair to him, and it isn’t fair to us. 

and most times, i wish i could be a better person. more intelligent, warmer towards people, more patience, prettier, more anything. better in the most shallow or non-shallow way possible. just not this.